![]() He was just perfect, so cheerful, swallowing all the pain he went through with a smile, playing the fool so he wouldn't worry his closest people. They will never know, they didn't deserve to know.Īnd I myself couldn't explain what happened or what kind of person was Bokuto. My hygiene got better.Īs I expected my parents asked me a million of questions but I just ignored them. I began to be healthier with my menu and drank more water. So then I started to live again, so I can make him happy, while he looks at me from up there. It was just the angels borrowing him till we meet again. I just wanted to believe that he actually fell asleep for one last time and didn't feel any pain. I didn't even think what was he like in his last moments. Bokuto suffered but I am the one being baby about it. Even if I wanted to, I could not just stay in this room my entire life. Two weeks I felt that miserable but then it hit me. I just ignored him because I felt like I don't want any contact with the world in the moment. He was asking me if I will go to the funeral, even tho I denied the first time. I wished for Bokuto to come and calm me, I wished that he would brush of my sweat and pull me so tight to his body, that neither of us would be able to move or want to do so, but he never did. My nightmares turned into an ordinary thing, maybe they were keeping me from falling asleep because everytime it was getting worse. Only the thoughts of Bokuto could calm me, even if it hurt. But I didn't feel like I would want to leave the room soon. That's when they will attack me with questions, which I will ignore for sure. My parents gave up after a few days, because they knew I would come out when I think I can and feel like it. My room was filled with invisible pressure, mostly surrounding me. ![]() Not that my inner self knew, I lost long time ago. ![]() They smell like him if I let them go now, I was admitting defeat. I didn't want to move from my bed, I didn't want to let go off Bokuto's scarf and navy blue blanket. I didn't do anything, just overthinking for days without the ability to fall asleep. Was there one?īut if Bokuto doesn't want me to to do the unthinkable, I guess I just have to wait and stay strong until then. He wouldn't want that, he wouldn't want me to sacrifice my whole life just so I can live with him. But I felt that Bokuto would be very disappointed in me. Does he want that? Would we find each other in our next lives? I really wanted to believe in this. He was waiting for me so we can reborn together. At least I liked to think that but maybe it was just my mind playing tricks. Sometimes I swear I felt his presence, like he was looking at me, protecting me. I was trying to sleep for Bokuto, I really was. ![]() In the same time when I looked myself in the mirror I saw how big my eye bags have turned. Maybe they were thinking about taking me to therapist because I didn't want to talk to them. They couldn't understand what was going on, they didn't know how to help me but I knew something they didn't. Why was I so hopeless? Why was I so weak? What did I expect?Ī couple of days have passed after the worst and now even a tear couldn't fall on my cheek, I didn't feel anything. Why is the world so unfair? My hands wouldn't stop trembling and my heart physically hurtled from the sadness I felt, my chest felt heavy from too much crying. I couldn't stand up, my mind wouldn't work right. After waking up from that incredible dream, the reality hit me in the face and the emptiness, which was filled for a moment, felt bigger now.
0 Comments
Leave a Reply. |
AuthorWrite something about yourself. No need to be fancy, just an overview. ArchivesCategories |